wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.