Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude