Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just had sex on a roof
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.