note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
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Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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