I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize