I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
