Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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