Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
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I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
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That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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