She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
