We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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