we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
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Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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