I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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