he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
