he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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