I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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