i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
We need a shit load of segways right now
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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