Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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