I wish my penis had an off switch
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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