I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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