wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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