the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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