I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
