yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
