hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
