I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
