When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
