Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize