my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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