I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize