foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Randomize
