yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I want to be your penis for a week.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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