so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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