My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize