It's like a parade of train wrecks.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
