the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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