Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
