how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
