Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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