I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
