Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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