It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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