You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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