If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
