I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
