i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Let's get the cat blown out
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?