Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
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I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
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I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell