Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags