This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
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We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
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Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo