My first STD was from a foam party
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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