I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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