the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
All I want is dick and wine.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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