Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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