you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
