Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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