i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize