felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
